"They were completely amazed for
they had not understood about the loaves;
their hearts were hardened."
Mark 6:52
That is the story of the loaves and the fishes. At least today it is, for me. The story of my hard heart. Why do I forget about God's faithfulness? The ways He has rescued and redeemed my life? How He has answered prayer and spoken to my heart? How long until I trust the compassion, the provision, the personal direction He so graciously provides? How long am I going to waste time and energy lingering in doubt, looking at problems and the things that lack (even within myself) instead of coming to Him and trusting that He has all things well in hand. When I learn that, I will be walking in the joy and strength that resting in Him provides. The amazement will be about how it is all about Him and so not about me! With Him nothing is impossible. Jesus said this after He calmed the storm, after He fed the 5,000. He is amazing.
When He fed the 5,000, He used His disciples. He walked them through the whole thing. He had them asses what they had on hand and He asked them to bring the 5 loaves and 2 fish to Him. After giving thanks, He gave them back and had them distribute it to the masses of people. It was a partnership, a work done together. It says that He directed them. He wants to use us too. To direct us into the work He has in mind for us. The result? They all ate and were satisfied. They didn't get just enough to curb their hunger until they got home, they were all satisfied. Jesus doesn't do things half way does He?
So the lesson today (tho this passage has many) is I need to come to Him with what is going on. And let go of all of the issues that prevent me from moving forward, doubts, fears, insecurities, the things that distract, marginalize, even paralyze me. I can bring these things to Him, let them go. And then offer Him what I have and trust Him to use me in the ways that He sees fit. The key is coming to Him and allowing Him to direct me as best I can. I leave the outcomes, the results to Him. Not easy but always good.
Lord, forgive me for dwelling in places of doubt, for not trusting you with my life, my time. Lead and guide me. Use my life, messy as it seems. Thank you for the joy and strength that comes from that. Help me to walk the long obedience in the same direction, one step at a time.
Blessed are those whose strength is in You,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
They go from strength to strength,
til each appears before God in Zion.
O, Lord Almighty,
blessed is the one who trusts in You.
Psalm 84:5, 7, 13
